Saturday 20 January 2007

An orthographical postscriptum . . .

It was pointed out to yer 'umble scribes that the original Dog-Latin spelling 'Argumentum ad Membrum Porceri' (AMP), while conforming to the Roman alphabet, would belike have had its last word pronounced "pore cherry". We thus were persuaded to stray away from conforming to strictly authentycke Klassical orthography and substitute -k- for -c- because:

(a) -k- would give the hard /k/ sound, and

(b) it would remind our readers of the KK form of faux-Kornish for which the 'AMP' aka Dathel Tosen an Torgh was coined.

Apologies for this orthographical confusion; we can only plead we were influenced by the current Cornish zeitgeist.

The New 'Argumentum ad Membrum Porkeri'

abstract:
Some of the KK arguments contain so many of the classic Rhetorical fallacies as to defy simple classification. Indeed, they warrant a new umbrella category of their very own. Figuratively, they are so twisted as to resemble a boar's penis (which is helical at its distal end). This 'porkscrew' use of multiple fallacies has thus been dubbed the Argumentum ad Membrum Porkeri or, in Cornish, Dathel Tosen an Torgh.

Those who make puerile double entendres between 'fallacies' and 'phallus seize' will be sternly rebuffed, and told to get a grip on themselves!

- - - - - - -

Even a cursory glance through the current arguments being put forward by the Kemynistas will show that they're seriously worried by the prospect of having KK independently scrutinised as part of the 'Single Written Form' discussions that are currently underway. They quite fail to realise that manifesting such fear merely suggests to the cynical that they have grounds for fear, and that they know there are visible and serious defects in their self-styled 'Perfect' Cornish.

The latest 'outrage' to spin them into a hissy fit is their failure to pack the Language Working Group committee with 100% KKist members. To make matters 'worse', they then failed to add further 'expert' members to the Group (who would be completely objective, despite being known KK activists).

In fact, they're so ticked off that their normally abysmal standard of debate has sunk even lower. Many of their techniques of flawed argument may be found with fetchingly Latin names on Wikipedia under the search term 'argumentum'. The Latin appears to be a relict from the bygone Trivium curriculum of the mediaeval Schoolmen, which comprised the Arts of Grammar, Logic and Rhetoric, and which formed the 'Threefold Way to Eloquence'.

The Kemynistas have repeatedly shown themselves to be deficient in every single one of the Arts of the Trivium (not to mention orthography, syntax and most other areas of linguistics) and indeed in Eloquence itself. It's clear that they add a whole new depth to the possiblilities of 'Triviality', managing to be both 'trivial' in the modern sense and 'non-trivial' in the older sense of the word, both at the same time!

In a recent series of posts to CornishOrthography about the 'Single Written Form', tendentiously entitled 'Government Cornish', Tim Saunders so far surpassed his previous nadir of unreasoned debate, that the present author felt compelled to comment (post #4060):

"… Does Tim himself believe all these untruths, half-truths and moonshine
that he peddles? -- I wouldn't pretend to know. But what I do know is
that his arguments are as crooked as a pig's prick, and that the
classic trap for a propagandist is to end up believing his/her own lies."


In fact, he manages to cram so many of the 'argumentum ad' fallacies into each of these posts that there was evident need to coin in his honour a new, all-encompassing fallacy name. This 'porkscrew' style of fallacious argument

"… has now been dubbed in Tim's … favoured (though ill-understood) Latin as the Argumentum ad Membrum Porkeri, or cornicé 'Dathel Tosen an Torgh'."


We note in passing the happy congruence of this coinage with the celebrated Cockney rhyming slang term for a lie: a 'porky', or 'porky pie', sometimes heard in the phrase, 'to tell a wee porky'. Perhaps rhyming slang has room for a '*porky prick' to denote a 'lying trick'.

Tuesday 16 January 2007

Kornik Kebmyn Simpleheys (v1.0 beta)

(aka KK+++, An Tung Kornik, 21C-Kornik, etc.)

One of Dr. Ken George's guiding principles in devising KK was to make it so easy to learn that even the mental incompetents (whom, we're told, make up the bulk of those wishing to study Kornish) could manage the task, without even switching their brains on. We applaud this 'Lowest Kommon Denominator' approach to language improvement, but feel it should be taken much further than it has been hitherto, so as not to exclude even the most inept, idle and brain-damaged of learners.

Henceforth, KK+++ will be the only form of Kornish supported by Bord an Tung Kornik, its sister organisation Association an Tung Kornik, and its published organ An Messenger (the ci-devant 'Cannas'). Moreover, it will be the official language of An Session (ex 'Esethvos'), and An Bard-meet Kornwall (the 'Gorseth Kernow' as was).

Moreover, we will be recommending to the Kornish Language Partership and to the other parties involved in the current ongoing discussions, that KK+++ should be adopted as the Single Written Form, and that all other lesser forms of the language should be discouraged, if not terminated. Certainly, KK+++ should be the sole recipient of all the lovely grant money which the KK+++/SWF will have bestowed upon it. Recidivist groups like Agan Tung and Council an Tung Kernûak will receive not a penny!

The following features of Kornish are therefore deemed elitist, redundant, Unfit for Purpose, and liable to lead to linguistic exclusion, and should be discarded forthwith:

(1) Gender.
Sensible languages like English manage just fine without it, and so should Kornish. Henceforth, all nouns (and pronouns) will be considered to be neuter (so as to upset neither the feminists nor the masculinists amongst us, but pace the odd eunuch in the population). This accords well with the existing practice in English of concealing the sex of a protagonist, leading to such delights as:
'The chair spoke the opening words at the AGM'.
As Kornish has apparently lost its ancient neutral pronoun, we propose using a kornifikation of the English 'it'. Thus 'yt kewsel' (he, she or it speaks) would suit a talking chair quite well, as it would interlocutors of a more living persuasion.

(2) Mutation.
Most languages find no need for such high jinks, and neither should Kornish. Sensible words have no business indulging in lycanthropy, regardless of the phases of the moon! We should rejoice in the fresh simplicity of 'an mawes', 'mos de'n tre', 'ow kernewek' etc. One beneficial side effect is that, with the letter 'h' being used less, the language will be quicker to type and write, bringing a welcome productivity bonus to Kornish scribes.

(3) Inflected pronominal suffixes, infixed pronouns, etc.
Many languages are quite content with verbs and pronouns that don't keep changing form and position all the darn time; nothing wrong with 'my kewsel', 'gans why', 'rag ty' , 'my gul gweles ty', etc.

(4) Plural endings.
There is no need for more than 1 plural ending; apart from a few relict archaisms, English manages well enough with '-s' most of the time. To preserve the native genius of Kornish, we recommend '-ow' as the universal plural suffix. Thus den/denow, map/mapow, cota/cotaow should find ready acceptance amongst both learners and fluent speakers alike.

(5) Words of Keltic/Alien origin.
As the overwhelming majority of people who want to learn Kornish can already speak English (including most of our Kontinental neighbours), the presence of words of non-English origin creates an unecessary learning barrier for most would-be learners. All such items should be removed from the lexicon as soon as more intelligible replacements can be found for them from Standard English. Moreover, this should encourage closer cultural links with our Keltic neighbours, most of whom only speak English in reality!

Thus, 'an son', 'an daughter', 'an sheep' etc. would be much better than the present mediaevalist terms used. Notice how the gloriously Kornish definite article has been daringly retained, so as to let the learner know that (s)he ain't reading English no more. As one bold KK revivalist put, "We have no past", so we can bid farewell without regret to those backward-looking 'authentyckist' fossils such as 'an map' , 'an vyrgh', and 'an dhavas'.

(6) Words of West-country origin.
Before readers leap to the conclusion that KK+++ is no more than a round-about way of getting to Kornish dialect, we should hasten to point out that non-standard items of English that have made it into the traditional lexicon of Kornish should also be removed. By definition, such parochial lexicalia also add an unecessary barrier to would-be learners. Thus, 'an hogen' will become 'an Kornish pasty' or 'an Ginsters.'

(7) Accent.
In a similar way, the 'ooh aarh' Mummerset accent affected by some denizens of Cornwall is to be deprecated as yet another barrier to the student wannabee. Due to its current prevalence, Estuary English is to be taken as the new Received Pronunciation for the Kornish language, comple'e wiv lo'san'lo'sa glo''aw ['a multiplicity of glottal'] stops. Thus, 'fatel ys gennough why?' becomes "fa'el ees genook wee?', a clear improvement!

Other than these few minor changes, the Kornish language should not be tampered with; we must avoid accusations of dabbling in mere conlangs, after all. Kornish should be encouraged to grow and flourish au naturel, in the hope that it will continue to express the indigenous sprachgefuehl and weltanschauung of the Kornish people, and their unique cultural identity.

An Pyper Dyskredulus
p.p. Bord an Tung Kornik, Truro.

Saturday 23 December 2006

grant money (GanS 8)

A delightful form of nutrition intended to assist the progress of the Revival of the Cornish language. As Kemyn is the Cornish language, this money is a priori intended to assist the progress of Kemyn. Hence, it is not fitting that any of the other degenerate forms of the language should receive any of this funding, which is why we've repeatedly banjaxed their applications to get any. There are two possible outcomes to such banjaxment:

(a) we get the money and they don't: fantastic! Puts us ahead of the pack.
Money = Power! … or
(b) nobody gets the money: still tantastic enough! Puts us ahead of the pack.
Dog in the manger = Power!

Our typical statement to the grant-awarding Sugar Daddies/Mammies has often gone a long way to getting us the desired outcome: —
"These Agan Tavas/Cussel an Tavaz Kernûak people are a bunch of troublemakers and devious, lying little shit-bags [thanks to Myngow Vras (op.cit) for this revelation! Ed.] who are not endorsed by the Official Bodies for the language, like the The Cornish Language Board."

And when you're 'the biggest frog in the puddle' [at least, in your own mind's eye. Ed.], it doesn't matter if the puddle shrinks, and most of the other frogs croak it: you're still biggest!

Some trends in the Revival (GanS 8)

It may be useful to take a quick look at the fate of some of the Cornish language organisations, and see what's happened to them over the last few decades. This may help us to look ahead to what may develop with the Single Written Form, always bearing in mind the Danish proverb which says, 'Prediction is always difficult, but especially predicting the future'. Don'cha just love that under-stated Norse humour!

a. Kesva an Tavas ['Taves' in KK] Kernewek.
A body established in 1967 by Gorseth Kernow and the Federation of Old Cornwall Societies to promote the Cornish language, and all its speakers. In 1987, as detailed elsewhere in these pages, it was taken over by the Kernewek Kemyn coterie in their 'deniable' Truro Putsch, after which the organisation's policy was altered so that it only supported KK, and it actively tried to suppress all the other forms of the language. This change was reflected in the respelling of the body's name into Kemyn (Tavas –> Taves). These acts of sly treachery are something that their protagonists have tried to cover up ever since, with incomplete success, just as they've tried to cover up their later misdeeds.

b. Kowethas an Yeth Kernewek.
The Cornish Language Fellowship, Kowethas an Yeth Kernewek, was originally set up—like the Kesva—to support all Cornish speakers, However, like its sister organisation, it too was taken over and subverted in a similar way to the Kesva. At present, it is deliberately misleading about its policy towards non-Kemyn forms of the language: while it claims to support all forms of Cornish, the only one it actually supports is Kemyn, under the threadbare excuse that 'that is the form used by the majority of members'. All other forms of Cornish are marginalised, and are not printed in their magazine, An Gannas, or allowed to feature in any of their events or on any of their products or publications. These other forms are thus demoted into unofficial, lesser languages of hearth and home; even their very existence is denied: "Oh, nobody really uses that old stuff anymore".

c. Agan Tavas.
Agan Tavas was founded in 1987 for fluent speakers of Unified Cornish, but later widened its initial remit so as to support and promote all historically attested forms of the language. It is quite open about its views on the language: it does not support KK, or any other invented version of 'Cornish'. It actually does support and promote all these forms of the language, rather than just paying false lip-service to them. It is able and willing to do this, even if some of those forms are not those 'used by the majority of members', in sharp contrast to the Kowethas and its weasel-worded statements.

d. Towards the Single Written Form.
Interestingly enough, we tend to find that the followers of these historically-attested forms of the language are mostly able to coexist and cooperate. Why, even some of the followers of KK seem perhaps to have found a new spirit of compromise and a willingness to talk. Mind you, I don't know what their KK Kemynocrats will have to say about those seditiously democratic rumblings.

Gosh!—if everything goes all 'sweetness and light',
. . . and people start being nice to each other,
. . . I'd be out of a job, and that'd be catastrophic :(
. . . but then so'd the Kemynocrats as well!

:) :) :)

Fake languages: a salutory tale (GanS 8)

The annals of Schloß Kolditz show that the 'bad boys' imprisoned there had one thing high on their minds (after Escape) to stave off boredom: study. One young inmate announced that, as China would surely emerge into prominence after the War, he wanted to learn Chinese. Two of his friends volunteered to share with him their expertise in the language, and 2-on-1 classes started soon after. But, alas, these 'friends' were nought but vile tricksters who had not a word of Chinese between them, but instead taught the poor gull a made-up mish-mash of quasi-oriental sounds. They had not, however, reckoned with the hunger for learning that burned within their young student's breast, and they found themselves having to create faux-Chinese at an ever faster rate (and, of course, to learn it all themselves as well!). After a while, it all became too much for the sly pair, they made their excuses and terminated the classes.

Sadly, the end of the story has not apparently come down to us; we can only imagine in our mind's eye the young Sinophile returning to his Chinese studies after the war, and his reaction when he realised that his 'friends' had duped him so wickedly: his wrath might have been a wonder to behold!

Happily though, we may not have to 'imagine in our mind's eye' for much longer; we may soon see exactly how he would have reacted, and on a much larger scale at that. I wonder what the reactions would be of all those poor dupes (who've been conned by the Kemynistas into learning the faux-Cornish that is Kemyn) were the scales to fall from their eyes. The old saw has it that you can't fool all the people all the time … but, who knows? —time does have a habit of making fools of us all. But even some of KK's own apparatchiki may have seen the writing on the wall; Myngow Vras, eponymous stranger to the truth that he is, has said this of the meetings at Tremough,

"We know the result in advance, an orthography designed by committee that's suppose [sic] to please everyone and will please no-one. Twice I've been to Tremogh, and twice I've been told in advance what I've decided [?]. So I can see how this is going to go."
[CornishOrthography # 2754, 22-11-06]

which sure don't sound as if he likes the prospect of these 'outside experts' scrutinising KK; why on Earth would he be afraid of impartial scrutiny? Even though he does feel the need to peddle his Big Lies "over and over till [he's] blue in the face", we feel inclined to believe his sincerity this time … well, almost. Let's just hope that all that cyanosis that he refers to (and the accompanying anoxia of which a blue face is a symptom) doesn't cause any further demise amongst his remaining leetle grey cells. Goodness knows he can't spare them!

Thursday 21 December 2006

One Guru to guide them all ...

We have mentioned elsewhere the authoritarian, top-down style of control that governs the Wonderful World of Kenowek Kemyn. Here's one small example of it in action, that was found on Ray Edwards' Kernewek Dre Lyther site. Here we have a man of mature years, who has been running the KDL system for a long time, in Unified Cornish at first before he turned his loyalties towards Kemyn. He says,

'Ken is ... envisaging the possibility of introducing z where there is a tendency to voice the s sound.'

Thus, nothing may be done until the Arch-Guru of Kemyn pronounces on His Envisagements. Still, to put his weltanschauung into perspective, on the same page he also mentions:

"... people liked and trusted Ken and appreciated the enormous amount of work he had put into trying to sort the matter out ..."
"... the sincerity of Ken George and other members of the Language Board ..."

Disingenuous, or merely ingenuous? Sure enough, it's a revisionist view of history that's not shared by most of the Cornish speakers that we know, none of whom would trust 'Likeable & Trustworthy' Ken or the 'Sincere' Kesva an inch! Given their dubious actions within the Cornish Language Revival over the last couple of decades or so, that's hardly surprising.

So, a fragment of evidence of the top-down authoritarianism of the KK world. Contrast this with the rest of the Cornish speakers, who --while they manage to cohere-- do so in a much more democratic, disputatious, even anarchic sort of way. Which is just how it should be, and is just how it's done in, say, the English-speaking world, where there is a long history of either ignoring the pronouncements of crackpot skylgerydhyon, linguistic charlatans and orthographical mountebanks, or at most exposing them to ridicule, satire and oblivion. Why, even the respected lexicographers of the likes of the Oxford University Dictionary are not taken as the final, undisputed word on the language.

We call to mind from the 1920s the almost forgotten Shavian Phonetic English of that other 'great' George, GB Shaw, as well as the 19th-century minor poet William Barnes and his Pure English (with its ludicrous 'welkinfire' and 'wortlore' for 'meteor' and 'botany'). How long will it be, we wonder, before Ken George's Kenowek Kemyn joins them and assumes its rightful place --as a small footnote in the history of the Cornish Language Revival (and as a cautionary tale of the dangers of ignorant meddling with languages)?