A Modest Proposal for the Inevitable Kemyn Revolution.
by
An Pyber Dyscryjyk.
by
An Pyber Dyscryjyk.
One aspect of the current orthographical dispute within the Cornish-speaking community has not yet, apparently, been addressed: the numerical disparity between 3 deprecated forms of Cornish on the one hand, and only 1 form of Kemyn on the other.
Let us consider the status quo in more detail. On the 'historically attested' side, we have 3 contenders (Unified, Late Revised and Unified Revised) who seem to find each other's company congenial. These deviants on the 'Dark Side of the Force' are variously known as the 'Venom-Spitters', the 'Living Fossils' or the 'Bizarre anti-Cornish self-referential Bigots'. Some Marxists even deprecate them as the 'Wilhelmine Intelligentsia' (although Kaiser Wilhelm's exact rôle in the Cornish language revival is unspecified) who are, somewhat anachronistically, 'stuck in a 15th Century refectory'!
On the other 'innovative' side, by contrast, in stern and noble isolation, we have the Kernowek Kemyn clan. As we shall see, it should more accurately be termed Kernowek Kemyn (Bog-standard). On this side we have the followers of 'Phonemic Cornish' 'Modern Cornish', or '21st Century Cornish' as it is sometimes tautologically known. They rightly refuse to have anything to do with the old-fashioned, out-of-date written forms of the language used by our poor benighted ancestors: we should take notice of their antiquated ideas just because THEY were 'native speakers'? Preposterous!
The good news is that this 'Side of the Angels' has, by its own modest under-estimation, between 90% and 98% of Cornish speakers as its disciples. The bad news is that KK(B.S.) is outnumbered by THREE debased forms of the language. There is no reason, however, that we need to tolerate this inequity by restricting ourselves to merely 1 system of KK: while Djordj et al's arguments have had a gratifyingly divisive effect on the Cornish-speaking community, they appear to have lacked the resoluteness to take their ideas through to the logical, final resolution.
We propose a simple answer to this dilemma: Kernowek Amendys Kemyn (KAK). And, to anticipate the inevitable schisms such a proposal will bring to the more fractious denizens of the Cornish-speaking world, KAK is designed to be schismatic from the outset, with 3 recommended forms, and multiple further optional forms. We are, as the Conservative Party likes to say, a broad 'church' (not for us the narrow confines of a Chy Byghan!) and all are welcome to KAK within our walls. We are so all-inclusive that even the Bog-Standard form of Kernowek Kemyn is KAK. Indeed, in honour of its achievements as the 'father' of KAK, KK(B.S.) deserves to be re-designated as KAK(B.S.).
The aim of KAK: that this process of 'linguistic balkanisation' be extended so as to reduce the number of individuals using each version of Cornish to such a degree that no further schism will be likely or even possible: 'chacun à son propre idiolecte' is one of our mottos. Indeed, it should also reduce the total number of individuals using any version of Cornish, thereby building on the promising initial ground-work started by the founders of KK(B.S.) in the 1980s.
::::: The Recommended Forms of KAK :::::
1. KAK(i.t.a.) - http://www.itafoundation.org/index.html
The Initial Teaching Alphabet was a bold scheme, intended to facilitate children learning to read English. It was based on the normal English alphabet, with extra glyphs to cover all the phonemes in standard English. Although this scheme was a failure in England, and was rejected with derision by the arrogant Welsh, that should not deter us from adopting it on this side of the Tamar. Indeed, it should be ideally Fit for the Purpose of teaching the linguistic ingénues who make up the majority of those wishing to learn Cornish.
Traditionalists might prefer to base their KAK on Truespel, which uses the normal alphabet and was the basis for i.t.a. (http://victorian.fortunecity.com/vangogh/555/Spell/truespel-1.html).
2. KAK(George B.S.) - http://www.shawalphabet.com/index1.html
George Bernard Shaw devised a phonetic writing system for English with some 58 symbols, which owe little or nothing to the conventional alphabetical glyphs. The Grand Old Man's scheme deserves the chance to stand alongside the work of that other great Djordj: Awenyth Kernow, or The 'Cornish Genius', as he prefers to be known.
3. KAKakana - http://www.omniglot.com/writing/japanese_katakana.htm
Katakana, the Japanese syllabary, will not only make Cornish look exotically different, its mandatory system of /consonant+vowel/ will have a novel effect on its pronunciation as well:
un pynta coref ha hogen whath, Wella, mar plek
...or... /kemin yu kaku fiku, nan desu ka?/ .
Its restricted range of consonants will render moot any lingering embarassment about /tj/, /dj/
::::: Optional Forms of KAK :::::
- Other made-up alphabets that may be attractive include: Benjamin Franklin's 'Phonetic Alphabet', International Phonetic Alphabet, John Malone's 'Unifon' and Alexander Melville Bell's 'Visible Speech'.
- Scots Gaelic: this language is much admired for the precision and elegance of its orthography, and will make KAK(Gàidhlig) easier for Scots Gaels to learn. This Fitness For Purpose should be a major attraction for Cornish classes in the Outer Hebrides and Nova Scotia. For those other ausländer-Gaels whose envy of the Scottish orthography prevents them from fully appreciating its virtues, the deprecated KAK(Gaeilge) and KAK(Gaelg) forms would be feasible --if lesser-- versions that the Irish and Manx might care to consider.
- For those who would prefer a more Brythonomorphic orthography (perhaps because their style of Cornish contains so many Welsh and Breton loan-words and calques), we suggest KAK(Cymraeg), with possible broad subdivisions into KAK(Cymraeg llenyddol), KAK(Cymraeg / Gogs), KAK(Cymraeg / Hwntws) and KAK(Cymraeg / Saeson), the latter having all the difficult phonemes removed (/ll/ -> /ffl/, /ch/ -> /k/ etc.). KAK(Breizh) would be able to boast several similar subdivisions as well, and would appeal to those who want to speak Cornish wiz a French accent. Unfortunately, KAK(Breizh) would be largely redundant as KK(B.S.) has already implemented this hybrid.
- For brythonocentricists of a more antiquarian bent, KAK(Gaulish), KAK(Galician), KAK(Celtiberian) and KAK(Ogham) might be worth exploring.
- For those long, Winter's nights, nothing could be better suited than KAK(Inuktitut), especially as there is now a keyboard driver for it, thanks to the indefatigable 'Map Bynary'.
::::: Deprecated Forms of KAK :::::
- As a written medium for Cornish, we deprecate as frivolous Tolkien's Elvish 'Tengwar' runes and Star Trek's Klingon (along with Andorian, Bajoran, Borg, Cardassian and Ferengi), but others may disagree, particularly those individuals and organisations who favour the more fictional forms of Cornish.
- A less indo-europeanocentric sprachgefuehl would be found in KAK(Euskadi), with its variant offshoot KAK(ETA) for those who prefer the less rational forms of linguistic debate.
- Transatlantic speakers with deplorable tastes might hanker for KAK(Dreck), based on an expressive americanism denoting 'trash, especially inferior merchandise', derived from the German and Yiddish word for 'excrement' (http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/d/d0386300.html). Coprophiles on this side of the 'Pond' might prefer the idiolect known as KAK(Saun Dreck) that one encounters occasionally.
::::: Conclusion :::::
However, these are merely a few of the many possibilities for KAK; the OmniGlot site (http://www.omniglot.com/index.htm) gives details of many orthographical systems from around the world, including most of those mentioned above. Tocharian, Lepcha and Cherokee might be especially attractive possiblities.
With so many forms of KAK behind us, we can look forward to the ultimate World KAK Revolution, as the deviant running dogs of the other recidivist forms of 'Cornish' collapse under the weight of their own internal inconsistencies, as foretold by the prophet Djordj (dialectical blessings be upon him!).
::::: KAK longa, vita brevis! ::::: KAK yn dha anow! ::::: KAK super omnia! :::::
::::: KAK mit uns! ::::: KAK mar plek! :::::
::::: KAK warnan! :::::
::::: KAK mit uns! ::::: KAK mar plek! :::::
::::: KAK warnan! :::::
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